They chose me...

I'm too hard on myself. Nick always says if anyone ever talked to me the way I did he'd probably lose it. Same here I'm sure I'd be all over them too. Why then does that seem to be okay to do that to myself? Its not and its wrong, so wrong!!!

I had some other things I was going to say but I've been slapped by the holy spirit. I'm not sure I'm using that right but I like how it sounded hehe. Its that time of the month where my hormones take over and I become a monster for just a day or two. Well today and these past few days its been real hard for me to keep my joy.

After an amazing worship at church I was so blessed tonight not only because I received the most wonderful gift from the family I chose (my church family), but I came to realize they chose me. Wow! I was presented with a shopping spree and a spa visit and I really am just blown away. Mike and Renae and all of the Destiny Staff are so awesome, I love them and look up to them and for them to present me with a gift saying something like I embodied what all mothers at Destiny are, simply mind blowing. When someone says something about you, and you don't really see it yourself its hard to accept it.

I do find it hard still to accept God loved us all so much he gave up his son. Listening to Pam, Renae, Mark, Arnie, and Mike speak these past couple of weeks one thing keeps coming up. God loves me accept it. But, but... I think it was instilled in my for so long that I had to be perfect, learning from your mistakes meant you didn't make them anymore. What a hard realization to come to, no one is perfect but Jesus. He loves me to, the bible tells me so. Its done, Jesus' work is done for me and those who acknowledge him.

I have that tendency to look at my past I want to complain about my daddy leaving when I was two and now trying to figure out how to love a god like a father when you were fatherless, my mom then leaving to work multiple jobs and leaving me to basically raise myself, and various other hurts and pains I've experienced from family. Its hard for me to understand why those things happened to me. I don't like it but the promises out weigh it all if I just press in to them. Death, loss, stolen dreams and innocence, Jesus restored me the moment I asked him to live in my heart.

Thank you Nick for fibbing "in God's name" and my church family, I love you guys!!!